So far, this is the oldest I’ve been. George Carlin

“Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.” –Robert Frost

“As a senior citizen, you may as well learn to laugh at yourself. Everyone else is.” –Judy Huffman

“The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.” –Doug Larson

“Laughter doesn’t require teeth.” –Wil Newton

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work…I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen

“An old-timer is someone who can remember when a naughty child was taken to the woodshed instead of to a psychiatrist.” –David Greenberg

“A man is as old as the woman he feels.” –Groucho Marx

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Author Unknown

“Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” –Phyllis Diller

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” –Lucille Ball

“Old age is no place for sissies.” –Bette Davis

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. P.G. Wodehouse

Age doesn’t matter, unless you’re a cheese.” –Billie Burke

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

“It has been said that there is no fool like an old fool, except a young fool. But the young fool has first to grow up to be an old fool to realize what a damn fool he was when he was a young fool.” –Harold Macmillan

“Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long.” –Burt Reynolds

“I used to dread getting older, because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older, I find that I don’t want to do them.” –Lady Nancy Astor

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen

“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.” –Sophie Tucker

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.” –Michael Pritchard

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” Jerry Seinfeld

There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. John Mortimer

“Old age is always 15 years older than I am.” –Bernard Baruch

“It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.” -Jackie Mason

“Inside every 70-year-old is a 35-year-old asking, ‘What happened?'” –Ann Landers

“You’re only young once, but you can be immature all your life.” –Charles Scoggins

“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” –Maggie Kuhn

“Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul.”–Douglas MacArthur

“I just don’t think of age and time in respect of years. I have too much experience of people in their seventies who are vigorous and useful and people who are thirty-five who are in lousy physical shape and can’t think straight. I don’t think age has that much to do with it.” –Harrison Ford