Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job!

So, after this quarantine, will the producers of “My 600-Pound Life” just find me or do I find them?

 I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on “Wheel of Fortune.” Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

I need to practice social distancing from … the refrigerator.

I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into the house, told my dog…we laughed a lot.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.