A catholic priest goes to a barber.

Once the haircut is finished, the priest reaches for his wallet. The barber says, “I cannot accept payment from a man of the cloth, it is my honor to cut the hair of a man of God.” The next morning there are a dozen chocolates waiting at the barber’s door from the priest.

Later that day, a Baptist minister comes in. Once the haircut is finished, the minister reaches for his wallet. The barber says, “I cannot accept payment from a man of the cloth, it is my honor to cut the hair of a man of God.” The next morning there are a dozen roses waiting at the barber’s door from the priest.

Later that day, a Jewish rabbi comes in. Once the haircut is finished, the Rabbi reaches for his wallet. The barber says, “I cannot accept payment from a man of the cloth, it is my honor to cut the hair of a man of God.” The next morning there are a dozen Rabbi’s waiting at the barber’s door.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer
“This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

Went into the barbers, I said “I want you to cut my hair like David Beckhams”.

He cut my hair and I looked in the mirror!

“David Beckham doesn’t have his hair cut like that!!??”

Barber says; “He does if he comes in here!!!”

Barber says; “He does if he comes in here!!!”

A man and a little boy go into the local barber shop.

The man has his hair done and then sits the young man in the chair.
“Now wait here when your finished, I’m just off to do some shopping.” says the man and leaves without paying.

Two hours later, the boy’s still waiting, when the barber says, “I think your Dad’s forgotten you”.

The little fella says, “He’s not me Dad, we just met outside and he asked me if I wanted a free haircut”.

Little Bobby and the barber

A barber was cutting his customer’s hair when he saw little Bobby walk by outside.

He said to his customer, “Watch this, this is the dumbest kid in the world.”

He then went outside and held out his two hands.

One hand had 50 cents and the other had a dollar. He then asked Bobby which one he wants.

Bobby thought for a bit and then took the 50 cents and went away.

The barber went back to his store laughing and said, “See? He is a really dumb kid.”

Later, when the customer was done with his haircut, he saw Bobby walking out of an ice cream shop with ice cream.

Curious, the customer asked Bobby, “Hey kid, why didn’t you take the dollar from the barber? You know that a dollar is more than 50 cents.”

Bobby smiled and looked at the customer, “Mister, that because the day I take the dollar, the game is over.”

A barber gets his first client of the day and begins cutting his hair

The barber asks the client “What do you do?”
The client responds “I’m a waiter at the Italian restaurant down the street.”

The barber says to him “You’re in the service industry, I’m in the service industry, this haircut is on me.”

The next morning, the barber comes back to his shop to find a gift certificate for the Italian restaurant.

The barber then gets his first client of that day and asks him “What do you do?”

The client responds “I’m a butcher at the butcher shop two blocks down.” And so the barber says to him “You’re in the service industry, I’m in the service industry, this haircut is on me.”

The barber returns to his shop the next morning to find a basket full of prime meats waiting for him.

The barber gets his first client for the day and goes on to ask him “What do you do?” The client answers “I’m an airline pilot.” The barber says “You’re in the service industry, I’m in the service industry, this haircut is on me.”

The barber comes to his shop the next morning and finds 10 pilots lined up outside waiting.

Busy barber

A guy walks to a barber shop, opens the door and asks the barber “how long is the wait?”

The barber looks at the line of people waiting and says “oh, about 90 minutes”

The man leaves and never comes back.

The next day the man goes to the same barber asking “how long is the wait today?”

Barber looks at those waiting and says “today is quite busy, seems like a two and a half hour wait”

The guy leaves and doesn’t return for that day.

The third day the man goes to the same barber and asks him the same question.

The barber looks and says “not that long, about an hour or so”

The man turns around and starts running.

The barber tells the help to go follow that man and see if he is going to a competing barber.

After a while the help returns.

The barber asks him “is he going to another competitor?”

The help answers “no”

The barber asks “so where the hell does he keep going to everyday?”

The help answers “to your wife”

Guy walks into a barber shop..

..and says “Chuck Wood here?”

Barber says “no we cut hair.”

Guy says “yeah obviously…I’m looking for my friend Chuck Wood.”

Barber says “oh yeah, he is over there getting in some curls.”

Guy says “Chuck doesn’t lift weights.”

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.

”Here, try this”, says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. ” Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I’ll show you how close a shave can be.”

The man does so and the barber shaves away.

”Wow,” exclaims the man, ”that is great!” He then asks with a muffled voice, ”What happens if I accidentally swallow the ball?”

”No problems,” replies the barber. ”Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else.”

A barber is talking to one of his customers.

“See that kid?” he says as he points to a twelve-year-old standing outside the barbershop. “He is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch. I’ll prove it to you.”

The barber takes out a one-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill, and then calls the boy inside. He holds out both bills, and asks, “Which one do you want, son?”

The kid takes the one-dollar bill and leaves the shop.

“See?” laughs the barber. “The dumbest kid in the world.”

A few minutes after the customer leaves the barbershop, he happens to see the boy coming out of an ice cream store. He goes over and asks, “If you don’t mind my asking, son, why didn’t you take the five-dollar bill?”

The boy takes a lick of his ice cream cone and replies, “Because the day I choose the five-dollar bill, the game’s over.”