Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!

Is there an airport nearby or is it my heart taking off?

Was your dad a boxer? Because, you’re a knockout!

Would you grab my arm, so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?

Hi, how was heaven when you left it?

I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

“Teacher: ‘Anyone who thinks they are stupid may stand up!’

Nobody stands up
Teacher: ‘I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!!’
Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: ‘Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?’
Little Johnny: ‘No… I just feel bad that you’re standing alone…’”

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”

Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

Why is Black Panther every cop’s worst nightmare?

He is a bulletproof black man.

Can you fix my cell phone?

[What’s wrong with it?]

For some reason your number isn’t in it.