Three men are chatting when the first says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

“I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe.”

“I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician,” says the second. “I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses.”

“I think my wife is having an affair with a horse,” says the third man.

The others stare, shocked and bewildered.

“How can you tell?” they ask.

“Because,” replies the third man, “I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey.”

“A father was show­ing a new co-worker a pic­ture of his five sons. 

His friend asked What they did for a liv­ing. The father said the older two are doc­tors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the mid­dle son and the father said, “Oh, he’s a plumber. Some­one had to pay for all the oth­ers’ edu­ca­tions.”

A doctor heard a funny noise coming from his water heater and called the plumber.

The plumber listened for a few moments, pulled out a hammer and gave it 2 light taps.

“It’s fixed,” he says and hand the doctor an invoice.

“$150 the doctor screams? You were here 10 minutes – that’s $900 an hour. I’m a doctor and I only make a 3rd of that.”

The plumber said,” Yeah, when I was a doctor, that’s all I made too.”

My son wants to be a plumber when he grows up.

I told him that’s a pipe dream.

This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal.

 I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, So let me tell you right up front that he’s fine. Getting him out wasn’t easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

A dog goes into a Plumbers Merchants and says, “I’d like a job please”. 

The owner says: “We don’t hire dogs, why don’t you go join the circus?” The dog replies, “What would the circus want with a plumber?”

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet. 

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, “That will be $200.”
The surgeon replies, “I am a surgeon and even I do not charge $100 a minute.”
The plumber says, “Yeah, I didn’t either when I was a surgeon. Why do you think I switched?”

What’s the one thing professional poker players and plumbers can agree on?

A royal flush is better than a full house

My neighbor asked me (IT Support) how to fix his leaky faucet. Not being a plumber I offered the only advise I have:

“Have you tried turning it on and back off again?”

“Someone has broken into our local police station and stolen the toilet. 

Right now the Police say they have nothing to go on…”