What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!

ETA: GUYS! Thanks so much for the upvotes, I’ve never had so many! Y’all made my night!

What do you call a pickled deer

A dill doe

“A very Polite Deer”

A lizard is walking through the forest when he sees a rabbit knocked down. He askes what happened. The rabbit says “It was the deer. He’s gone crazy and now he’s hitting everyone with a bat, but I gotta say-he is very polite.”

The lizard continues down the forest when he sees a bear also knocked down. He asks “What happened?” The bear responds “It was a deer. He has gone nuts! He hit me with a bat! But I can’t not say, he is one very polite deer.”

The lizard rushes to home, locks the door and goes to his room. He relaxes when from behind he hears…

“*good evening*”

TIL a white tail deer can jump higher than a standard house.

A white tail deer with their powerful hind legs can jump 8 – 12 feet high whereas a standard house can’t jump.

Did you hear about the mad scientist who created deer-plant hybrids?

Apparently he wanted to introduce some variety to the local fawna.

Two Aggies bag a deer

Two Aggies had bagged a deer and were dragging it by the rear legs back to the truck. But the antlers kept getting stuck in the mud. One says to the other, “This is tough but we only got about 1 mile left to reach the truck.”

A third hunter saw their dilemma and told them, “If you drag the deer the other way, the antlers won’t stick in the mud.”

So the Aggies give it try and it works! The first Aggie says, “That hunter was right! This way is a lot easier.”

The second Aggie says, “Sure was, but now we’re two miles from the truck.”

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, “Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine.”
The hunter says, “No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it’s mine.”
The farmer says, “Ok Ok…we’ll settle this the old way.”
“The old way?”
“Yes. We’ll take turns kicking each other in the nuts and the first guy who can’t take it anymore loses. The winner gets the deer.”
The hunter thinks about this and he says, “Ok, let’s do it.”
The farmer says, “Ok, let me go first.” He takes a big wind up and just nails the hunter right in the nuts with his big dirty farmer boots.
The hunter doubles over in pain, huffing and puffing for a few minutes. He finally gets up, still panting and says, “Ok Ok…I’m still in…my turn.”
The farmer says, “Nah, you can keep the deer.”

Three hunters go into the forest

One is really good, one is ok, and the third one is bad.

the first day, the good hunter goes out and comes back after a few hours with two deer. Astounded, the other two ask how he did it. he says “simple. I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer, and bring it home for dinner.

On the second day, the ok hunter goes out, and comes back with some fox pelts. The bad hunter asks him, “how did you do it?”, and he replies “simple. I see fox tracks, I follow fox tracks, I see fox, I shoot fox, I bring it home so we can sell it on the market.

On the third day, the bad hunter goes out, and doesn’t come back. After a while passes, his two friends get worried and begin looking for him. They eventually find him in the local hospital, covered in wounds, and they asked him, ” How did this happen”. he responds with “I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train, train does not stop, train runs me over.”

A farmer walks into an lawyer’s office wanting to file for divorce

The attorney asks, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yeah, I want to get one of them thar dayvorces.”

The attorney said, “Well do you have any grounds?” The farmer said, “Yeah, I got me about 140 acres.”

The attorney says, “No, you don’t understand. Do you have a case?” The farmer says, “No, I don’t have a Case, I have a John Deere.”

The attorney says, “No, you don’t understand. I mean do you have a grudge?” The farmer says, “Yeah, I got me a grudge, that’s where I parks me John Deere.”

The attorney says, “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?” The farmer says, “Yes sir, I got me a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney says, “Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?” The farmer says, “Oh no sir. We both get up about the same time, around 4:30.”

Finally, the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it to you this way. “Why do you want a divorce from your wife?” The farmer replied, “Well, I can never have me a meaningful conversation with her.”

What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?

I feel like a Million Bucks!!!