Being single can either be the best thing that has happened to your life or the worst thing ever. You have total freedom, but you have crushing loneliness. Being single can be particularly hard during holidays especially during Christmas and Valentines season.

But that doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve a good laugh. Here are five hilarious jokes about single people.

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, “They aren’t mine – I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!”

The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, “Show me.”

So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman’s empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

“Well,” says the cop, “where are the drugs now?”

“What drugs?”

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?”

I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!”

“Great” she said. ”Can you watch my dog?”

A single lady goes to the convenience store a buys : 12 eggs, 1L of milk and a can of fried beans.

When she’s about the pay, the clerk looks at her and guesses :
\- “You must be single, right?”

The lady, visibly amused and intrigued, asks back how could he pick that up.

The clerk replies :

\-“Because you are ugly as f\*ck.”

Single, huh?

A woman went to a grocery store and did some shopping. She gave her basket to the check-out clerk, who scanned the following:

1 toothbrush
2 small packages of noodles
1 banana
1 small turkey
1/2 gallon of milk

The clerk looked at the woman and said “single, huh?’

The woman looked a bit sheepsish and said ‘how could you tell? Because of my groceries?’

The clerk replied, ” because you’re ugly.”

A good looking man walked into a singles bar, bought a drink and settled down ready to use his best lines.

But for the next two hours every woman he approached gave him the brush-off. Then suddenly a really ugly guy walked in and within seconds he was surrounded by beautiful, available women. A few minutes later he sauntered out with a stunning brunette on each arm.

The handsome guy was thoroughly despondent. Turning to the bartender, he said: ‘I don’t get it. How did that guy walk out with those two when I can’t even get a phone number?’

‘I don’t know what his secret is,’ said the barman. ‘But he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows . . .’