A woman asks the carpenter to fix the wardrobe…

A woman asks a carpenter to fix the wardrobe in their house because when the train is passing by the house, the wardrobe shakes and makes noise. When the carpenter arrives at the house he tells the woman: “I’ll go inside the wardrobe and close the door, and when the train passes by I’ll check which part of the wardrobe has this problem.”

A few minutes later the woman’s husband comes home and opens the wardrobe. He sees the carpenter and asks him “What the hell are you doing here?”

The carpenter says: “Will you believe me if I say I’m waiting for the train?”

A carpenter is at a pretty ghetto strip club

He sees a clearly obese woman dancing on a table, and is amazed. He walks over to her and says “damn those are some really nice legs”. “Awe you really think so?” She replied. “Yeah for sure, most tables would have collapsed by now.”

My carpenter friend brought me a single plank of wood by 5 o’clock today. I was livid!

“Whats wrong?” he asked.
“You told me you’d bring me 2 by 4!”

A cowboy rides into a strange town and sees carpenters finishing work on a gallows….

He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, “Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?”

The guy nods. “Yup. We’re fixin’ to hang Brown Paper Larry.”

The cowboy’s brow furrows. “How come he’s called Brown Paper Larry?”

“Well,” says the guy, “the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Brown paper shirts. Brown paper pants. Even brown paper socks.”

The cowboy ponders this for a moment, then asks, “What are ya hangin’ him for?”

“Rustling.”

A carpenter’s workshop’s light went out

To find his way around, he picked up his hammer and saw.

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but…

the new guy screwed everything up

I’m skeptical about hiring a carpenter to make my furniture

But I’m sure it woodwork

People wonder how being being a chronic insomniac affects my job as a carpenter…

Quite frankly, I enjoy getting paid to bang all night

A carpenter goes to the proctologist.

Upon learning what his patient does for a living, he says, “What a coincidence. I’m in need of a new office chair.

Can you make me one?”

The carpenter replies that he can.

The doctor says, “There’s only one thing, I want to be able to try it out before I buy it. Can you give me a stool sample?”

Why are Carpenters the easiest to get Christmas gifts for?

All they want for Christmas is Yew.