1. You know you’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

2. Don’t worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

3. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding on to the safety bar in the bathtub.

4. A nice thing about aging and losing your memory is you meet new friends every day.

5. To Be 80

Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing “fairly well” for his age.

A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn’t resist asking the doctor, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”

The doctor asked, “Well, do you smoke or drink beer?”

“Oh no,” Edgar replied, “I’ve never done either.”

6. Hearing Aid

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again.”

To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

7. You know you’re old when you take a nap to get ready for bed.

8. A 84-year-old man went to the doctor for a physical.

A few days later the doctor saw him walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. The next time the doctor saw him he asked how he was doing. “Great,” said the old guy. “I did just what you told me, ‘Get a hot momma and be cheerful’.” “I didn’t say that,” said the doctor. “I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful’.”

9. Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket

by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?

10. We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more, so I started filling up the rest of my body.