The Talking Horse

A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?”

The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?”

The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

A horse walks into a bar.

“Hey,” says the barman.

“Yes please,” says the horse

The Fallen Horse

Q: What did the horse say when it fell?

A: “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

Have you heard the one about the runaway horse?

It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!

The Meaning of Horseshoes

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?

A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

The Desperado’s Horse

A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in Houston.”

The locals murmur uneasily as the Desperado sips his drink. Lucky for them all, when he steps outside again his horse has been returned. As the Desperado saddles up, a local can’t help but ask, “Sir, what exactly was it you had to do in Houston?”

The Desperado narrows his eyes and hisses at the man, “I had to walk home.”

Some racehorses are staying in a stable.

One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”

Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”

“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.

At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”

A horse walks into a bar.

The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.

A horse walks into a bar.

The barman asks: “Why the long face?”

A Horse Under the Weather

Q. Where do horses go when they’re sick?

A. The horsepital.

The Secret to Horse Betting

Q: How do you make a small fortune on horse racing?

A: Start with a large fortune.