I was in the supermarket the other day with my fiance

I was in the supermarket the other day with my fiancee and pointed out a guy who had lowered his mask to pick his nose.

Her: “You’re allowed to take your mask off to eat.”

My fiancee and I have matching engraved wedding bands ready for the wedding!

Inscription reads: waranty void if removed

Mark was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage

as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him.

In fact, he couldn’t bring himself to tell his fiancee’ about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place.

All he kept saying was, “*Darling, I’ve got a big surprise for you,*” at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.

The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room.

“*Now don’t forget, Mark, you promised me a big surprise,*” said the bride.

Unable to say a word, Mark turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife’s hand on the stump.

“*Hmmmmm,*” she said softly, “*that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I’ll see what I can do!*”

To cheer me up my fiancee got me tickets to Pearl Jam.

But three songs in I still wasn’t feeling Eddie Vedder

My fiancee is like a good joke

Short and Sweet

A girl brings her new fiance home to meet her parents for the very first time.

So a girl brings her new fiancee home to meet her parents. Boy looks like a hipster (scarf, big bushy beard, etc.) Understandably, her father would like to know the boy better and so he takes him to his study for a private conversation.

Dad: “So, John. What do you do for a living?”

Fiancee: “Well, I’m an artist.”

D: “So you’re doing well?”

F: “I paint, and god provides me with all I need to live.”

So the dad is a bit confused.

D: “And what will you do when you marry my daughter? Will your art provide for the two of you?”

F: “I will paint, and god will provide for us.”

D: “And when you have kids?”

F: “I will paint, and god will provide for my family.”

The dad nods and walks out of the study. Outside, his daughter is anxiously waiting for him.

Daughter: “So, daddy? What’d you think of him? He’s great, isn’t he?”

“Well, sweetie,” says the father, “I don’t like his job choice. But, on the other hand, I LOVE what he calls me!”

Why couldn’t the watermelon get married in Vegas?

Because his fiancee is a cantaloupe!