1. “There’s nothing worse than telling a dumb-ass lie and getting caught telling a dumb-ass lie….I’m in my car, I’m driving. My boy calls me, I pick up. ‘Yo, Kevin, what up?’ Instantly I lie. ‘Dude, I can’t be on the phone like that. I’m out of the country. I’m trying not to have a high-ass phone bill.’ He said, ‘(Expletive), ain’t that you at the stop light right there in front of me?’ I’m so oblivious in lying I waved. ‘What’s up man?'”

2. “I’m a (expletive) liar. If I’m late, something drastic happened. ‘Yo, dude, sorry I’m late. I was on the highway, and this (expletive) baby started running on the highway. Yeah, I know right, (expletive)’s crazy. So I got out of the car and started chasing the baby.'”

3.  “Reality doesn’t hit you about how bad the single life is until you call your friends to go out, and on that night, none of your friends are available, because they’re out with their women. ‘Yo, what up boy? Whatcha trying to do tonight?’ ‘Oh, man, I ain’t doing nothing. It’s cupcake Tuesdays. Me and my lady, we make cupcakes. Red velvet. I get to lick the bowl and everything.’ ‘Lick the bowl? Man, get the (expletive) off my phone.’ ‘Hey, don’t be mad at me ’cause you ain’t got no bowl to lick.'”

4. “The scariest (expletive) in the world to me are bum hands….I’m willing to bet you all any amount of money right now, if you all walk out after this show, and a bum come up to you, and flick your lip, that you kill yourself tonight.”

5. “There was a point in time when we were in (Disneyland) where I lost my daughter….But I knew eventually I would run into her again, so I took that time to get on rides she couldn’t get on….When I saw her she was crying….I was like, ‘It’s not your birthday. Today’s not about you.'”

6. “It’s my mom’s funeral. I’m on the right side, I’ve got the casket….I’m crying, I’m a mess….My dad see me crying, my dad stood up, punched me in the back of the head. ‘Man up. She gone.’ I forgot where I was, I threw the casket.”

7. “Everybody assumes because you went through a divorce you went through a (expletive) up period of life, you’re enemies, you hate each other. It’s not true….She’s happy. She’s moved on. I’m happy. I’ve moved on. I’m happier than she is, though.”