When you are at the thick of a divorce, it is probably not funny. But then again, it would do you a great favor to have some laugh and lighten up a little. So embrace the newly single or soon-to-be single and have a laugh at these funny divorce jokes.

Why are relationships similar to algebra?

Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.

Ex #1: Every passing year our relationship gets better.

Ex #2: But we’re divorced.

Ex #1: Yes.

Did you all hear the one about a guy whose wife left him for a tractor salesman?

She gave him a John Deere letter!

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.

He thought he was God, and I didn’t.

A dentist and a manicurist decided to get divorced…

They fought tooth and nail.

Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for divorce.

Lawyer: Are you married?

Wife: Yes, of course.

Lawyer: Then you have grounds.

A divorce court judge said to the husband, “I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week.”

“That’s very fair, your honor,” he replied. “And every now and then, I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness never paid for a divorce.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it’s worth it.

Twenty Years Ago A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

“What’s the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?” she asked.

“Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?” he asked.

“Yes, I do,” she replied.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'”

“Yes, I do,” she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, “You know…I would have gotten out today.”

Infidelity

A guy walks into a bar with a gun and said “Which one of you slept with my wife.” and a guy in the back stands up and says “You dont have enough bullets.”

Custody Case

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, “Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?”

How many divorcées does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, the sockets go with the house.

Why did the stockbroker not get upset when her wife divorced her?

Because she’s got lots of options.