Photo by nappy from Pexels

The following are jokes about the society we’re living at the moment. Have a laugh and share the laughter with your friends, colleagues, and family members.

A little boy was walking down a road.

A policeman comes up to him and asks him whether he has seen a thief running away.
The little boy says, “Go along this road, and you will come upon and intersection of four roads.
Go along the fourth road, and you will find four wide alleys.
Go in the fourth alley and you will come across four neighborhoods.
Enter the fourth neighborhood and you will find four societies.
Go in the fourth society and you will see four buildings.
In the fourth building, go to the fourth floor.
On the fourth floor, knock on the door to the fourth house.
A lady of around forty will open the door.
Ask her to lead you to the fourth room of the house.
In that room, open the fourth cupboard, and you will see four drawers.
In the drawer, you will find four photos.
The fourth photo is of God, and I swear to God, that I have not seen this thief.

Google Doodles

Four people are sitting at a bar. A native American, a trucker, a business woman, and a google employee walks up to these people, and asks them:

“Do any of you know of an important problem facing our society? If so, then we can make a doodle of it and put it on our search homepage to raise awareness for it.”

The Native American says “I know of one. There’s a company that is putting an oil pipe through our sacred land.”

The trucker says “Oh those evil corporations. My company is laying off all of the truckers because they are automating their fleet.”

The business woman says “That’s terrible. I can sympathize because my company is hiring and promoting men over all of the women at my company.

The trucker says “Oh I hear this all of the time. ‘*Why care about truckers who are mostly men when women are being oppressed in this society*.’ That’s classic *whataboutism.* All least women will have jobs. I can lose everything.

The Native American says “Oh I hear this all of the time. ‘*We should help hardworking Americans who are losing their jobs. Why care about Indians when they’re all getting paid by the government anyways?*’ That’s a strawman argument. Our afterlives are in peril. This is an oppression of our religion.

The business woman says “Oh I hear this all of the time. ‘*Family planning is unethical because my religion says so.*’ No religion is more important than my body. That’s just a red herring.The google employee says “Okay, okay, I can solve this. We’ll just celebrate Pac Man’s 40th anniversary.”

The one about the mental patients and the baseball game

There once was a doctor at a mental hospital, who had to take care of the craziest and most mentally unstable patients in the hospital, which they called the “nuts.” The doctor, along with his assistant, would soon get through a breakthrough by giving them simple orders and addressing them as “nuts.”

Soon enough, the doctor and his assistant decide to take the nuts to a baseball game as one last test before releasing them into society, and they behave well, as they’ve been trained.

At the start of the National Anthem, he says “Stand, Nuts!” and the nuts stand.

At the end of the anthem, he says “Sit, nuts!” and the nuts sat.

When a player hit a home run, he said “Cheer, Nuts!” and the nuts would cheer.

When the umpire made a bad call, he said “Boo, Nuts!” and the nuts would boo.

It’s the 7th inning stretch, and the doctor sees that his nuts are doing well. He left them to his assistant while he went to use the bathroom.

When he came back, he saw that the nuts were being attacked by everyone in the stand.

“What happened?” The doctor asked to his assistant.

“I have no idea!” The assistant said, clearly panicked. “Everything was fine until someone came by yelling “Peanuts!””

In an American history discussion group, a professor is trying to explain how society’s idea of beauty changes with time.

“For example,” he says, “the winner of the Miss America pageant in 1921 stood five foot one, weighed only 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”

The class was silent until one woman comments, “She’d lose for sure.”r>

“Why is that?” asks the professor.

“Well for one thing,” the student answers, “she’s probably dead.”

Little Johnny has an assignment from school to describe society and how it works. (Long)

Now, being a little kid he had no idea what to do, so he asked his dad for help. His dad said “ OK, so first think of me as the President, your mum as the Congress, the maid as the workforce and your baby brother as the future. Now see what happens and write that up.”

So Johnny did this and felt hopeless as he had gotten nowhere, so he went to sleep. However, he had a nightmare and woke up. Deciding it might work, he tried his dad’s idea again. First he looked through the keyhole of the maid’s door and saw his dad cheating with her. In his parents’ room, his mother was fast asleep. Then he went into his brother’s room and saw he had done a No.2 in his nappy.

He then finally came to his conclusion and said “Great. The president’s f***ing the workforce, the Congress is asleep and the future is full of s***!”

So there was this society where everybody was born really weak.

The more wealth you had, either through actual money or possessions, the more you would reach your maximum power percentage. Most people had around a 50% power percentage, parents would give some of their belongings to their kids at birth so they would be strong enough to walk, but people who went above that 50%, would have extreme strength, and people would often compete to see who could have the most, but no one had ever gotten to 100% power percentage.

So there was this guy named Lort Bumblethorn, and he was renowned for getting to 99% power percentage, but he got in some financial trouble, sold a house, and went back to around 95%, never reaching back to his record.

Eventually, Lort settled down, and had two kids, the youngest named Sort. Sort was inspired by his father, and believed he could reach 100% power percentage. He had massive success in his career, getting to 90% power, but sadly, his father passed away, which demoralized Sort.

One day, as it looked as if his dream was basically gone, he was in a shop, when an old man approached him, “Excuse me, are you Lort Bumblethorn?”

“No,” replied Sort, “I’m Sort, his son. No autographs please.”

“No, no, I was a good friend of your fathers”, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bronze rod, “this was what your father was trying to use to get to 100% power, he gave it to me for safekeeping, it can only be used by a Bumblethorn, it is called the Kneeoo, and it will get you to 100% power. I’ll sell it to you for only $10.00”

“That’s a nice story, but I know you’re a scammer, get out of my presence.”

“No,” pleaded the old man, “please.”

Suddenly, there was a shimmer of light behind Sort, he turned around, and there was an apparition of his father, the one, the only, Lort Bumblethorn, and he spoke out to his son.

“**Sort, buy Kneeoo, it will make your PP very big.”**

A man returned home with a bloody nose

His wife asked, “What happened? Why are you beaten up?”

The man said, “I was in the elevator, and I farted.”

The wife was furious, “What is wrong with society? Someone punched you because you farted?”

The man winced, “no… because I glared accusingly at the guy beside me so no one would suspect that I did it…”

The wife was confused.

“… and there were only two people in the elevator.”

An Asian, an European and an American is stranded on an island after surviving a sinking ship accident.

They now want to start a new society, at least until they’re rescued.

The American decides to be the minister of building and construction and the European takes the position as the minister of food and cooking.

Left over, the Asian is now pretty disappointed that they can’t find any ministry for the Asian. Finally, the American says “You could be the minister of supplies!”. The Asian jumps up of joy and runs into the nearby forest. The hours go, without the Asian returing and the American and the European is getting concerned about where the Asian went. The next morning they decide to go look for him. They take a long walk into the forest with a straight focus on finding the friend. After a couple of hours of searching they both get so scared that they fly a meter into the air when the Asian friend jumps up from behind a bush and screams “Supplies!”

I heard this one a few years ago when I was too young to understand, but I hope you’ll enjoy it even if it’s been here before!

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have taken part in many activities to pass the time. Through subtle influence, I have bought monarchs to the throne, and ended the span of tyrannical leaders. I have replaced chaos with order, and then installed chaos back in its place. But in recent years, I have taken great pleasure in the mundane. The every day. The boring.

I: Please, tell me more about the recent years.

V: I have taken my place in society, tried to give back to a world that has given me so much by fulfilling some tasks that others would not. I have rid the planet of a number of diseases by removing their carriers. I have stopped wars before they started. But most recently, it has been a more direct approach. Sweeping the streets, emptying bins. My current role has been the most surprising.

I: And what are you doing currently that is so surprising?

V: Well, cleaning. It gives me great pleasure. Sweeping, dusting, mopping. All of it. I am enjoying this more than anything else I have done. And one aspect has been a massive surprise to me.

I: Really?

V: Yes. Cleaning mirrors. It’s just not a job that I ever saw myself doing.

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

6 to argue over whether it’s ‘lightbulb’ or ‘light bulb’.

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being a***holes.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is ‘lamp’.

15 know-it-alls who claim that they were in the industry and that ‘light bulb’ is perfectly correct.

49 to post that they have read this all before in another sub

19 to post that this sub is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb sub.

11 to defend the posting to this sub saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.

24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs

44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.

12 to post the letter “F”.

8 to ask what F means.

7 to post ‘Following’

36 people to say they don’t get it and can someone please explain.

15 people to post “This is S$%^! This sub used to be so much better.”

6 to report the post to the mods because it doesn’t adhere to Rule 4.3(b)

4 to say, “Repost”.

13 to say “Do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs”.

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn’t the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.

50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

3 to state sanctimoniously that this is supposed to be a friendly sub and that all of this petty nonsense is symptomatic of a decaying society.

5 mods to ban the posters who were insulting.

3 who come up with a conspiracy theory about light bulbs which either involves them catching Coronavirus or that they will fry theirbrains

1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.