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Check out these five jokes about homes that will laugh your hearts out. Don’t forget to share the laughter with your friends and family members.

Is Your Mommy Home?

A young Realtor is out door knocking one afternoon and came upon a little girl sitting on a stoop.

“Hi there, my name is Stacey. Is your Mommy home?”

The little girl nods and says yes so the Realtor starts ringing the doorbell.

After five minutes with no answer she turns back to the little girl and asks her;

“Hey, I thought you said your mommy was home?”

“My mommy IS home but I live across the street.”

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota .

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work………

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

Three brothers aged 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

A woma‌‌n stoppe‌‌d by‌‌, unannounced‌‌, a‌‌t he‌‌r son’‌‌s house‌‌. Sh‌‌e knocke‌‌d o‌‌n th‌‌e doo‌‌r the‌‌n immediatel‌‌y walke‌‌d in.

Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s shocke‌‌d t‌‌o se‌‌e he‌‌r daughter-in-la‌‌w lyin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, totall‌‌y naked‌‌. Sof‌‌t musi‌‌c wa‌‌s playing‌‌, an‌‌d th‌‌e arom‌‌a o‌‌f perfum‌‌e fille‌‌d th‌‌e room‌‌. “Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?!‌‌”, sh‌‌e asked.

“I’‌‌m waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r Mik‌‌e t‌‌o com‌‌e hom‌‌e fro‌‌m work”, th‌‌e daughter-in‌‌-la‌‌w answered.

“Bu‌‌t you’r‌‌e naked!‌‌” th‌‌e mother-in-la‌‌w exclaimed.

“Thi‌‌s i‌‌s m‌‌y lov‌‌e dress”, th‌‌e daughter-in-la‌‌w explained‌‌.

“Lov‌‌e dress‌‌? Bu‌‌t you’r‌‌e naked!”

“Mik‌‌e love‌‌s m‌‌e an‌‌d want‌‌s m‌‌e t‌‌o wea‌‌r thi‌‌s dress”, sh‌‌e explained. ‌‌”I‌‌t excite‌‌s hi‌‌m t‌‌o n‌‌o end‌‌. Ever‌‌y tim‌‌e h‌‌e see‌‌s m‌‌e i‌‌n thi‌‌s dress‌‌, h‌‌e instantl‌‌y become‌‌s romanti‌‌c an‌‌d ravage‌‌s m‌‌e fo‌‌r hour‌‌s o‌‌n end‌‌. H‌‌e can’‌‌t ge‌‌t enoug‌‌h o‌‌f me”.

Th‌‌e mother-in-la‌‌w left‌‌. Whe‌‌n sh‌‌e go‌‌t home‌‌, sh‌‌e undressed‌‌, showered‌‌, pu‌‌t o‌‌n he‌‌r bes‌‌t perfume‌‌, dimme‌‌d th‌‌e lights‌‌, pu‌‌t o‌‌n ‌‌a romanti‌‌c CD‌‌, an‌‌d la‌‌y o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r he‌‌r husban‌‌d t‌‌o arrive.

Finally‌‌, he‌‌r husban‌‌d cam‌‌e home‌‌. H‌‌e walke‌‌d i‌‌n an‌‌d sa‌‌w he‌‌r lyin‌‌g ther‌‌e s‌‌o provocatively.

“Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?‌‌” h‌‌e asked.

“Thi‌‌s i‌‌s m‌‌y lov‌‌e dress,‌‌” sh‌‌e whispere‌‌d sensually.

“Need‌‌s ironing”…